A LOST HOPE transcript -- for those who asked.

[EK]

EMPEROR: "Lord Vader...."
VADER: "Yes, my master...."
EMPEROR: "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiise."

VADER: "Owwwwwwww! This helmet is chafing my eyebrows! I swear!"

OBI-WAN: "Anakin's powers have grown beyond anything you can imagine."

ANAKIN: "I'm the most powerful Jedi ever!"

JAR JAR: "Weesa gonna need a strong leader, Palpy."
PALPATINE: "Well maybe you could lead us, Jar Jar."
JAR JAR: "Really?!?! Meesa?!?!?!"
PALPATINE: "Oh, no. No. No. No. Heh, no. No, no, no. MmMm. No."

ANAKIN: "If I don't get my way..."

OBI-WAN: "I fear that Anakin is turning to the bleak blackness of the Dark Side."
MACE WINDU: "Why's everything gotta be black witchoo?"

PALPATINE: "Instead of announcing my candidacy for reelection, I'm announcing that you're all morons."

ANAKIN: "You ARE softer than sand, m'lady."
PADME: "Other hand..."

PADME: "When will we have the results?"
EPT-1138: "Immediately. Now... pee on this."
PADME: "What?"
EPT-1138: "This. Pee on this. That's good. More. More. Keep it coming. More. Good, good. More. Good."

JAR JAR: "Yousa tinkin' people gonna die, Ani?"
ANAKIN: "I told you not to call me that anymore, ASS!"

PADME: "Oh, Ani, there's something you must know. I'm preggers."
ANAKIN: "How do you know?"

EMPEROR: "I found this in Obi-Wan's Jedi sketchbook."
ANAKIN: "Obi-Wan would never do something like this!"
EMPEROR: "Oh, I'm afraid it seems to have been signed."
ANAKIN: "Huh, Nooooo! Those bitches!!!!!"
EMPEROR: "Complete..... hahahahahaha PPPTHHH!"

JAR JAR: "Hey!!!!"

ANAKIN: "Explain THIS Obi-Wan!!!"
OBI-WAN: "I did not draw that."
ANAKIN: "It's right here, clear as purple crayon!"
OBI-WAN: "Well you are quite the poopoo head."
ANAKIN: "I'll show you a poopoo head."

ANAKIN: "I see the liquor is strong with you, Obi-Wan Kaboozie. .....drinker."

OBI-WAN: "You're pure dagnasty evil. It's just a FACT!"

EMPEROR: "Your journey towards the Dark Side is almost complete."
ANAKIN: "Well yeah... it should be."
EMPEROR: "Why don't we slip you into something more comfortable."
ANAKIN: "Comfortable would be good."

OBI-WAN: "The boy's pure dagnasty evil."
MACE: "Uhh Huhh... Ya think?"
YODA: "Warned you, we tried. Listen, you did not. Now SCREWED we all will be."

VADER: "What now, my master?"
EMPEROR: "Well, I've been working on this for quite some time."
VADER: ".... A boobie?"
EMPEROR: "No! It's a battlestation. I call it -- The Sphere O' Fear. Or, Planet Death. The Killing Ball? Death Moon. Giant Hurt Ball! The Deathticle...."

VADER: "Join me and we can rule the galaxy together."
PADME: "Never! Obi-Wan told me you killed my husband, the father of my child."
VADER: "No. I am your baby's daddy."

MACE: "Why am I the only black Jedi on the Jedi Council? Ain't nobody else in here black. And if you are black you got a bone in the middle of yo head. Why don't you just throw some cottonballs around on the ground and let me practice for you Massa Yoda?"
YODA: "What???"
MACE: "All y'all is slave owners!!!"

VADER: "I thought you'd be better."
MACE: "And I thought you'd be taller."
VADER: "Touche."

EMPEROR: "Good!"

OBI-WAN: "That boy was our last hope."

YODA: "Way to go, Kenobi."

VADER: "You swing too hard, ASS! I swear!!!"

[Elizabeth]

Sweet!

[Jaise]

How come you guys deleted the scene with Mace Windu and Obi-Wan talkin about Anakin bein gay? Well it made sense to delete it suppose....what i really mean is then was that in the original script or an idea on the moment?

[EK]

The so-called "Booty-Rooter" scene was actually in the script, along with its follow-up scene that got cut early on. For some reason we thought it would be funny to make Palpatine gay. Yes... we're that juvenile. Anyway, we wrote and shot two scenes dealing with it, one of which was scrapped before it even made it to post production. The Booty-Rooter scene survived long enough to make it into the rough cut of the trailer until Clayton brought up the point that, even though it is amusing, it doesn't really go anywhere since we scrapped the "punchline" scene which was to come after Anakin has turned into Vader.

[ntbullock]

Good show, EK. Didn't want to leave it up to anybody, eh? I think I'll post a link on the page for viewers.

[theillestmc12]

yo thx for the transcript...who wrote this stuff??? N.T? or everybody??? thx again this is awesome!

[ntbullock]

Eric Kohn typed it up for all to enjoy.

[EK]

Todd and I wrote the actual script. I just typed up the transcript here.

To further clarify, this is just a transcript of the finished film, NOT the original script that we were shooting from. There were changes made on set sometimes, and some dialogue was made up on the spot. Some things in the original script didn't make it to film, and some things on film were never in the script. What I posted above is a transcript of the final product.

[Sion]

Hmm.
Just reading it makes me laugh.

[ntbullock]

If anyone uses it for subtitles or finds a subtitled version out there let us know. That'd be interesting.

[nerfherder]

Any chance you could make a G rated version by dubbing in some words over the a$$ and bit$h words? I've told my kids about this film, but I would not show it to them as is, I swear!

[ntbullock]

Sorry, I think it'd lose something. Plus, I'm a little busy at the moment.